I Do NOT Apologize for the Type of Mother I Am!

Two articles have been trending on my Facebook the last couple days.  One is about how the way we parent is totally screwing up our kids, and another is about how a woman was harassed for breastfeeding in public in (get this) Las Vegas.  (You know, the town known for valuing women for their minds and modesty.)  These two articles have put my mind in a tailspin of thoughts, feelings of defensiveness, sadness for the women and children involved, and so on.  So here are my two cents on the topic, because I care deeply about women and children.  (My house just so happens to be full of them.)

First of all, I will openly admit that my views of motherhood have changed alot over the years.  Before I had kids I didn't give much authentic thought on the subject, but tended to believe the things I heard.  I assumed a woman should wean her child at age one.  Nursing beyond the child's "need" was surely selfish.  I also thought women should nurse in private.  I'll even admit that when Todd and I were first married we had friends who had a baby, and she always nursed in front of us, and it totally made me feel weird.  I don't think I had EVER been with a woman while she nursed up until that point in my life.  And that, my friends, is the real issue.  We are so weird about nursing because we never see it.  If more women nursed, then it wouldn't be weird to see a nursing mom.

So weird about it, that some of us will ask a nursing woman to cover up, when 20 feet away there are Vegas girls dancing on a stage!  The thought is so ridiculous!  Oh, I'm sorry.  It is more offensive when a woman uses her breasts in a nonsexual way.  How dare she.  Doesn't she know that only sexual immodesty will be tolerated?  I would sooooooo much rather my husband look at a stripper than happen to glance upon a woman nursing her child.  The thought alone could practically ruin my marriage.  

Ok, second article.  In a nutshell says that our children are not learning empathy because we don't breastfeed, don't sleep with them, and don't respond to them when they cry.  And guess what.  I have been accused of doing ALL of those things.  I have nursed all 4 of my children, in public (gasp), have co-slept to varying degrees with all of them, and pretty much have held all four of them, all day, every day until they can walk.  And guess what....

For the most part, all of these activities were not only enjoyable for my babies, but for me as well.  

What the FREAK is wrong with the way we parent in America?  Why am I the weirdo for actually wanting physical closeness with my children?  And WHY  OH WHY do we need a scientific study to prove to us that we should be doing these things with out children?!  Where have our parenting instincts gone?!  

So now that there is proof behind my parenting, here is a list of things I will continue to do, 

WITHOUT APOLOGY!

1.  I will continue to nurse my baby in public.  

Part of me feels obligated to do so, just as a public outreach program, so that people see a woman breastfeed at some point in their life.  I will also do it because I have the right to shop, eat at a restaurant, fly on a plane, or attend a party, AND my child has the right to eat.  My baby can eat anywhere a bottle fed baby is allowed to dine.

2.  I will take my children shopping with me.

Don't get me wrong, shopping with children can be an absolute nightmare.  But it's just a reality for a young mom.  I have had several experiences where fellow shoppers have made it clear to me that my children are ruining their shopping experience.  (Have even had a woman look me in the eye and say "I hate when moms bring their kids to the store".)  Well guess what.  No one is more annoyed by my children than I am, so there!   It's not your problem to deal with, so walk away and forget about it.  And how about a little respect for those of us raising the next generation?  The human race won't exactly continue all on it's own.  Someday we will have to break down and admit that we need mothers.  

3.  I will refuse to share my baby with you.

I have gotten greedier with each of my children.  They grow up too fast, and there isn't enough time for everyone to enjoy them. They are mine, and I get first dibs.  If you really want to see my adorable baby (and you know you do) sit behind me in church, just don't ask me to pass him back.  My arms will be empty soon enough.

4.  I will continue to do whatever it takes to get some sleep at night.

One night when my second child was 2 months old, my husband came into our room to find me nursing while my baby and I slept.  He asked me how long I had been nursing.  I asked him what time it was.  Turns out I had been there for 3 hours.  I actually prefer not to have a baby in bed with me, but they are more than welcome to nurse all night if the alternative is walking the halls.  

5.  I will do things my way.

I used to wonder how everyone else was getting through their days with their young children.  I wanted to compare notes, and make sure I was "fitting in" and doing things right.  Now I do things how I want to.  I do what works for me.  It may not work for you.  You may think I am crazy.  I don't really care anymore.  :)

6.  I will inflate my children's self esteem.  

I will say and do whatever I can think of so that when the world beats down on my kids, they can come home and know that they are smart, funny, loved, beautiful, creative, athletic, special, amazing, courageous, and loved.  

7.  I will stay home to raise my family.

There are many who think that a college valedictorian is wasting her gifts by not working.  I used to worry that I would be judged for my decision.  Who knows, maybe I am.  But I will never apologize for putting my family first, and I am a million percent sure that I will never regret it.  

8.  I will not lie to my kids, and I will use real words.  Words like penis.

Anytime I hear someone say they told their kids that babies come out of their bellybuttons, I'm pretty sure a butterfly dies.  You may think I'm crazy, but my girls have not only seen me give birth, they knew the terms years before.  I don't want to have to go back and reteach something.  And what kind of message do we send when we lie to our kids about such important things?  

9.  I will listen politely to you, but I probably won't take your parenting advice.

Remember how I do things my way?  :)  I'm a hypocrite because I give unsolicited advice ALL.THE.TIME. Just one of those little things that make me, me.  

10.  I will continue to drive my minivan, and think that I look awesome in it.

You'll know me by the awesome bumper sticker that proudly states:

MOMS ROCK

I look awesome because driving a minivan means I have a crew to drive around all day.  And that makes me awesome.  

Bonus:  I will continue to dote on my children as much as I want.

According to science, it's the only way they will learn empathy.  So pucker up and give me a hug!