Lucky 13

Today, the 13th of February, marks the 13th anniversary of my first kiss with Todd.  :)  Thirteen years ago, we said goodnight on the doorstep of the Sugar City house, and I was just begging for it.  I wanted him to kiss me sooooo bad!  After all, I had been stalking him for quite some time by then....

So in honor of 13 amazing years together, here is my top 13 list of how what I love about my hubby.

1.  He loves me.  Remember the stalking I just admitted to?  It's a lot less creepy since the feelings were mutual.  (HIMYM!)  The best thing about Todd is that he loves me back.  Our mutual love has created a wonderful life together.  Without it, I would just be another crazy girl, looking up a guy's schedule, and strategically placing myself around campus.

2. He supports everything I do and want.  I used to assume all marriages were like this, but now I know just how lucky I am.  When I told Todd I wanted to be a doula and work crazy hours, and have ALOT of people think I'm a total weirdo: He was all for it.  When I told him I wanted to add more to my already full plate and start teaching zumba, he said "do it!".  When I told him I wanted to start spending a lot more money on food and eat organically, he didn't bat an eyelash.  The man has literally never said "no" to me.

3. He can't stay mad at me.  (His words, not mine)  But since he is married to a girl who can hold on to a grudge like it's a baby about to fall off of a cliff, I'm pretty darn lucky.  It is quite nice to be with someone who can forgive and forget and put love first.  Hmmm....  I need to change my ways.

4.  He's the smartest person I know.  And I know a lot of smart people.  The best thing about Todd is that he is book smart and street smart.  He goes to work and makes tiny image sensors and all sorts of other hard things that I don't understand.  But then he can come home and understand the mysterious, inner workings of his wife and kids.  He can rip a book to shreds and find all the author's flaws.  He can see through propaganda and think for himself.  He does brain teasers for leisure activities, and I'm pretty sure he could teach my childbirth education class.  I like to remind him that I'm smart too, because sometimes I can feel like a total dummy with him!  The man understands EVERYTHING!

5.  He's romantic.   He set the bar pretty high by writing me a love song for our first Valentine's Day together!  He totally swept me off my feet, and continues to spoil me with hand written notes, flowers, music,  and jewelry.

6.  He's hilarious!  I can get too serious and stressed out, and Todd provides much needed comic relief in my life.  Sometimes his jokes are hard to catch because he is smart with them, and you have to really listen.  Other times, he can just quote a stupid movie and lighten the mood that way.  He keeps cracking me up and always keeps me smiling.

7.  He's cultured.  Our love of music is what brought us together.  I love that my husband wants to go to shows and concerts with me.  We either love it and enjoy it together, or come home and rip it apart.  We are total music snobs, and it's so fun!

8.  He changes poopy diapers.  Todd isn't one of those dads who assumes I will do all the dirty work.  I NEVER even change a diaper til we are home from the hospital.  He doesn't complain or try to get out of diaper duty.  (Just another flaw I have noticed in a lot of other men...)

9.  He's there for me.  Our life has been pretty crazy, especially since we added #4 to our crew.  I try to have our home somewhat organized and peaceful at night so Todd can relax after work, and so we can enjoy our evenings together.  That has not been the case lately, and I was apologizing for it several weeks ago.  Todd's response: "We're in this together, Marie".  It was just what I needed to hear.  Sometimes I feel like I have to carry all my burdens alone, but that isn't the case at all.  Todd has been there through every sleepless night, every heartache, every self-doubt, and every day in between.

10.  He loves being a dad.  When we were newlyweds, Todd would stare at the young families during sacrament meeting.  (I would stare too... in horror!)  He was eager and excited for parenthood, and he loves our children dearly.  He comes home and instantly starts entertaining, wrestling, reading, comforting, etc.  He takes pictures and writes in their journals.  He can tell when one of them needs more from us.  He takes them on dates and does science experiments.  He is the example of a loving, hands on dad.

11.  He loves his family, and mine.  I gave Todd a pretty hard time for being a mama's boy when we were dating.  That was stupid of me.  The relationship he has with his parents makes him who he is today.  The man I love!  He has also welcomed my family into his heart, and has never tried to make it difficult for me to see my family.

12.  He thinks in the long-term.  Todd has always worked hard to ensure a good future.  As a teenager he took AP classes, got great grades, served a mission, went to college.  He knew what needed to be done a young adult to be the kind of adult he wanted to be.  Now he works hard so his career can excel, and thinks about saving enough for retirement and for the kids.  He thinks through his options, and doesn't get distracted with short term solutions.

13.  He's a hottie!  It wouldn't really be a Valentine's day post, or an honest post, without me saying that my husband is a total hunk!  There's a reason I stalked him.  His tall athletic build, sparkling blue eyes, and genuine smile sent my hormones flying!

Happy 13th kissaversary, honey!  Everything about the last 13 years hasn't been good, but the kissing always has! :)  I love you!

I Do NOT Apologize for the Type of Mother I Am!

Two articles have been trending on my Facebook the last couple days.  One is about how the way we parent is totally screwing up our kids, and another is about how a woman was harassed for breastfeeding in public in (get this) Las Vegas.  (You know, the town known for valuing women for their minds and modesty.)  These two articles have put my mind in a tailspin of thoughts, feelings of defensiveness, sadness for the women and children involved, and so on.  So here are my two cents on the topic, because I care deeply about women and children.  (My house just so happens to be full of them.)

First of all, I will openly admit that my views of motherhood have changed alot over the years.  Before I had kids I didn't give much authentic thought on the subject, but tended to believe the things I heard.  I assumed a woman should wean her child at age one.  Nursing beyond the child's "need" was surely selfish.  I also thought women should nurse in private.  I'll even admit that when Todd and I were first married we had friends who had a baby, and she always nursed in front of us, and it totally made me feel weird.  I don't think I had EVER been with a woman while she nursed up until that point in my life.  And that, my friends, is the real issue.  We are so weird about nursing because we never see it.  If more women nursed, then it wouldn't be weird to see a nursing mom.

So weird about it, that some of us will ask a nursing woman to cover up, when 20 feet away there are Vegas girls dancing on a stage!  The thought is so ridiculous!  Oh, I'm sorry.  It is more offensive when a woman uses her breasts in a nonsexual way.  How dare she.  Doesn't she know that only sexual immodesty will be tolerated?  I would sooooooo much rather my husband look at a stripper than happen to glance upon a woman nursing her child.  The thought alone could practically ruin my marriage.  

Ok, second article.  In a nutshell says that our children are not learning empathy because we don't breastfeed, don't sleep with them, and don't respond to them when they cry.  And guess what.  I have been accused of doing ALL of those things.  I have nursed all 4 of my children, in public (gasp), have co-slept to varying degrees with all of them, and pretty much have held all four of them, all day, every day until they can walk.  And guess what....

For the most part, all of these activities were not only enjoyable for my babies, but for me as well.  

What the FREAK is wrong with the way we parent in America?  Why am I the weirdo for actually wanting physical closeness with my children?  And WHY  OH WHY do we need a scientific study to prove to us that we should be doing these things with out children?!  Where have our parenting instincts gone?!  

So now that there is proof behind my parenting, here is a list of things I will continue to do, 

WITHOUT APOLOGY!

1.  I will continue to nurse my baby in public.  

Part of me feels obligated to do so, just as a public outreach program, so that people see a woman breastfeed at some point in their life.  I will also do it because I have the right to shop, eat at a restaurant, fly on a plane, or attend a party, AND my child has the right to eat.  My baby can eat anywhere a bottle fed baby is allowed to dine.

2.  I will take my children shopping with me.

Don't get me wrong, shopping with children can be an absolute nightmare.  But it's just a reality for a young mom.  I have had several experiences where fellow shoppers have made it clear to me that my children are ruining their shopping experience.  (Have even had a woman look me in the eye and say "I hate when moms bring their kids to the store".)  Well guess what.  No one is more annoyed by my children than I am, so there!   It's not your problem to deal with, so walk away and forget about it.  And how about a little respect for those of us raising the next generation?  The human race won't exactly continue all on it's own.  Someday we will have to break down and admit that we need mothers.  

3.  I will refuse to share my baby with you.

I have gotten greedier with each of my children.  They grow up too fast, and there isn't enough time for everyone to enjoy them. They are mine, and I get first dibs.  If you really want to see my adorable baby (and you know you do) sit behind me in church, just don't ask me to pass him back.  My arms will be empty soon enough.

4.  I will continue to do whatever it takes to get some sleep at night.

One night when my second child was 2 months old, my husband came into our room to find me nursing while my baby and I slept.  He asked me how long I had been nursing.  I asked him what time it was.  Turns out I had been there for 3 hours.  I actually prefer not to have a baby in bed with me, but they are more than welcome to nurse all night if the alternative is walking the halls.  

5.  I will do things my way.

I used to wonder how everyone else was getting through their days with their young children.  I wanted to compare notes, and make sure I was "fitting in" and doing things right.  Now I do things how I want to.  I do what works for me.  It may not work for you.  You may think I am crazy.  I don't really care anymore.  :)

6.  I will inflate my children's self esteem.  

I will say and do whatever I can think of so that when the world beats down on my kids, they can come home and know that they are smart, funny, loved, beautiful, creative, athletic, special, amazing, courageous, and loved.  

7.  I will stay home to raise my family.

There are many who think that a college valedictorian is wasting her gifts by not working.  I used to worry that I would be judged for my decision.  Who knows, maybe I am.  But I will never apologize for putting my family first, and I am a million percent sure that I will never regret it.  

8.  I will not lie to my kids, and I will use real words.  Words like penis.

Anytime I hear someone say they told their kids that babies come out of their bellybuttons, I'm pretty sure a butterfly dies.  You may think I'm crazy, but my girls have not only seen me give birth, they knew the terms years before.  I don't want to have to go back and reteach something.  And what kind of message do we send when we lie to our kids about such important things?  

9.  I will listen politely to you, but I probably won't take your parenting advice.

Remember how I do things my way?  :)  I'm a hypocrite because I give unsolicited advice ALL.THE.TIME. Just one of those little things that make me, me.  

10.  I will continue to drive my minivan, and think that I look awesome in it.

You'll know me by the awesome bumper sticker that proudly states:

MOMS ROCK

I look awesome because driving a minivan means I have a crew to drive around all day.  And that makes me awesome.  

Bonus:  I will continue to dote on my children as much as I want.

According to science, it's the only way they will learn empathy.  So pucker up and give me a hug!

Showing Off!

A couple nights ago, we were at a neighborhood sing along.  It was soooo fun to sing the carols.  I love that my kids know alot of the songs now, and I adore singing Christmas carols.  I took the opportunity to go for the high note at the end of a song, and turned a few heads.  When the people in front of me realized where the High F was coming from, I proudly/jokingly said "I'm a show off!".  But it's not my fault!  Just look at what my family has been up to lately, and it's clear to see that we groom children to show off at this time of year.  I just never grew out of it.  :)

I am super bummed that the video of the ballet performance is too large for my blog.  The girls did great.  I love watching them dance.  They have become so graceful.

The girls also had their first piano recital last week!  They each played two songs, memorized.  No pictures, but videos at the bottom.  Bronwyn almost didn't go up because she was supposed to introduce herself.  At the end she finally conceded after Todd said he would introduce her.  She then played flawlessly.  And even though she claims to not like attention, she sure didn't mind all the attention she got during refreshments when she loudly sang "Jingle Bells, mommy smells, mommy laid an egg..."  LOL!

The next time to shine was at the ward Christmas party.  

Anytime the primary performs, my heart smiles.

Several days later, Todd got to show off his new work location.  The kids and I loved walking around Aptina's new locale, and seeing where Todd spends most of his time.  Here the kids are in the lab, looking at themselves on a tv screen.

This is Todd's cube.  He does miss his office, but hopefully it's worth working closer to home!

I loved how the cookies had the logo on them!

I get to show off everytime I hold Brandon.  Not only is he the cutest baby around, but he always settles into me and rarely cries if he is with me.  He will be screaming with someone else, then I come and grab him, and he settles right down and sucks his thumb.  :)

It's no secret that I think Ty is the cutest thing on the planet.  I was beyond excited to see him in his first performance ever today!  He was so cute, authentic, and at times, hilarious.  

I think he sang more than any other kid in his class.  He really knew the lyrics, which is so like his mom.  :)  Lyrics rule.

He knew the words, but didn't know the actions...  But his own actions were pretty funny.  Especially when he grabbed his crotch.  My friend and I about fell out of our seats!  Todd wasn't as amused...

As time went on, we began to see more and more of his personality come out.

Love that kid.

As soon as Ty's show was over, we rushed over to Maple Grove for Magdalen's!  She has been working hard and practicing her songs at home.  She was also chosen to go on the stage and be one of the special dancers (another file too big for the blog, ug!)  She did great.  The program was mainly light hearted and fun.  But there was one song about children wanting peace and good will, and it really pulled at my emotions.  The melody was simple and sweet.  The voices were innocent.  With last week's tragedy, I couldn't help but choke back a tear or two.  

And there you have it, our month of showing off!  Below are video highlights.

Half-way There

Despite the craziness of raising 4 kids, I really do try and savor the moments while my babies are tiny.  It is hard to find a quiet moment to enjoy where they are in life.   And for some reason, it seems even harder to find a picture that really captures all the cuteness of Baby Brandon!  I can't believe this little guy is half way through his first year of life! Here are some of my favorite shots, highlighting where he is in his journey.

Brandon was fed solids for the first time on Thanksgiving day.  I just couldn't resist mashing up a sweet potato for him!  He loved it!  He caught on fast, and enjoys all sorts of orange colored food. 

Brandon and I spend about 60% of our awake time in this position.  He loves to suck his thumb and be held close.  I've never had a thumb-sucker, but I think it's the cutest!  Plus, it's way better than always searching the house for the binky.  

Magdalen loves to help feed Brandon.  This was her first try.  She has since learned how to clean his face with the spoon along the way.  :)

This is one of my favorite pics of all time!  Totally captures my Brandon.  Now for a group of too many pictures that are all too similar...  Just couldn't decide how to narrow it down!

These were taken last night at the girls' ballet recital.  He was soooo good.  Just laid on my legs and smiled at me.  I know everyone thinks they have the cutest baby, but I'm pretty sure that I actually do.  I just LOVE having a little guy to tote around all day.  I love his soft, chubby cheeks.  I love his little giggles and squeals.  I love that he loves me.  

6 to 12 months is probably one of my absolute favorite times in a child's life.  I am so excited for the next half of a year.  He is starting to sit up and can roll around like pro.  Everything is fun and exciting.  The next two years should be wonderful.  Then potty training starts and it all goes to crap....  :)

Reflections on my second born...

 Sugar and spice and everything nice...  That pretty much sums up our Magsy Bear (most of the time at least).  Magdalen was born just 5 weeks after Bronwyn's brain surgery, and we wondered what we would have to deal with with our second child.  Happily, she came into the world with a very sweet disposition, a desire to sleep, and a desire to please her parents.  (Big sigh of relief!)

One thing I love about Magdalen is, she is just as excited about a hand me down as she is about something new.  This comes in handy since most of her clothes are from Bronwyn.  Even on Halloween, she opted to wear a dress she already owned and my wedding veil as her bride costume.  Didn't bother her at all to see Bronwyn shopping for her costume.  We added the funky make up just for fun, and she was the most beautiful bride ever!  She doesn't demand much from us.  (Which we are aware of, and go out of our way as parents to check in with her and make sure she is happy.)  She is happy to do something if it benefits the family.  Poor girl is the sibling stuck sharing a room with Brandon.  She ends up downstairs on a couch at least half the time because Brandon cries alot at night, but she never complains.  I don't think she even thinks it is an inconvenience.  We are so grateful for one easy child.

The biggest strength I see in Magdalen is her capacity to love others.  She makes friends quickly, and her teachers often tell us that they see her finding ways to include all of her classmates.  To Magdalen, everyone is a potential friend, and her classmates feel that friendship and acceptance from her.  She is also extremely loving to me.  She is my child that showers me with hugs and kisses, give me small gifts and drawings often, and leaves notes and hearts on my pillow for me to find.  And unlike the other people that love me unconditionally in spite of my annoying flaws, I don't think Magsy even thinks I have flaws.  And that just makes a mom feel good.  :)  Magsy is also a great example of love and affection to her siblings, and has been (I think) a big part of Bronwyn becoming more affectionate with Todd and me.

Magsy loves dressing pretty and having her hair done.  You can typically find her dressed head to toe in PURPLE!  

Magdalen also put in two entries in the Reflections contest.  Her drawing didn't place, but she got second place in the literature category for a story she wrote about attending her little brother's birth.  We are super proud of her hard work, and loved hearing the birth story from her perspective!

Birth: A Magical Moment

When Brandon was born I felt excited.

I woke up early to go to the hospital.

Grandma took me to the playroom, and I remember drawing when I was bored.

The room was dark, and there was calm music.

I remember my mom trying really hard to get him out.

I remember his head poking out.

The umbilical cord was on his tummy, and I cut off the umbilical cord.

I was excited to cut it!

Brandon was crying.  LOUD!

I really was wanting to hold him.

I was excited to hold him, but he started to cry.

I’m glad I was there.

It was a magical moment.

  

And remember how loving Magsy is?  She now has her FIRST LOVE!  The lucky man is Austin.  He is not only in her first grade class, but lives just around the corner from us!  (we had no idea!)  So now we often walk home with him and his siblings, and have formed quite a posse.  He missed school yesterday because he is sick, and Magdalen just stared at his house when we passed by on our walk home, just hoping he would look out the window or something.  She totally missed him.  Too funny!  Bronwyn hasn't shown any interest in boys yet, and Magsy isn't anywhere close to how boy crazy I was.  So I am happy with things so far.  

She still puts her daddy first though.  :)  

Reflections on my firstborn....

Before I had kids, I assumed they would be like me.  Overall happy and confident, driven, and do well in school.  Then I had Bronwyn.... and I realized that I was really naive.  Not only has she had alot of struggles that I never would have imagined before she was born; but she is so different from me that sometimes the hardest part about being her mom is just knowing how to support her.

Bronwyn's lack of confidence has made it extremely difficult for her to make friends and be in front of people.  We have worked hard on it the last few years.  We have given her lots of tips on how to talk to kids and strengthen friendships and school and church.  We have encouraged her to develop her talents to gain confidence in herself, too.  

Well, this year Todd and I have both seen such a big change in her.  It really started this summer.  Suddenly a new Bronwyn emerged.  I always knew it was in there because I saw glimpses of it often.  And suddenly our little wallflower is making friends, answering questions at church and school, singing out loud, and get this... (wait for it) 

WINNING FIRST PLACE IN THE PTA REFLECTIONS CONTEST!

Yep, you heard me.  Bronwyn entered a dance that she choreographed herself and won!  We are so proud.  Not really that she won.  Of course that is fun and exciting, and gives her an opportunity to learn that hard work pays off.  But proud that she worked SO hard.  She practiced for weeks.  And this is a child who does not exactly have a track record of starting a project and finishing it.

Here is her dance:  

She had NO idea that she had won when I picked her up from school.  It was very fun to see her eyes light up with excitement.  I am so happy for her self esteem.  Bronwyn also entered a picture into the visual arts category that didn't place, but here is a cute picture of her with her picture.

The biggest changes I have seen in Bronwyn that last several months are: more confidence, more outgoing, and more passionate.  Her love of music is growing, and she is enjoying piano alot more this year.  She is even making up her own songs, and ASKING me if she CAN practice piano.  I love hearing her play while I work in the kitchen or feed the baby.  She has an intense interest in bugs and nature, especially butterflies.  She spent endless hours this summer catching butterflies and observing them.  And now almost every book she brings home from the library is about butterflies.  She was the kid that always stayed in the backyard until dark.  The best days for her were when Todd had a yard project that kept him out most of the day.  Magsy and Ty would tire out and come inside, but Bronwyn stayed out until Todd forced her in.  She climbed the cherry tree and hunted bugs!  Here are some great pictures she and Todd got during one of their adventures.

Those are tiny bug eggs Bronwyn discovered on the back of a leaf in our garden.  She was so excited!  For now, she wants to be a scientist when she grows up.  She loves learning about science, and luckily for her, her parents are total science nerds.  

With the progress I have seen in Bronwyn lately, I really feel like the sky is the limit for her.  She is finally working towards her potential and it is so fun to watch!

With Good Cheer

"Like my father's come to pass

Seven years has gone so fast...."

Every year when another October 18th rolls around, I am surprised at how quickly the time goes by.  Today marks seven whole years since my father's passing.  In a way it still feels like yesterday.  But in other ways, it is becoming a distant memory.  A part of my past, and not my present.   I am reminded of a quote from general conference this year, during a talk about grief.  It said something along the lines of "we never truly get over losing a loved one, but we can move forward with good cheer".  There was definitely a time in my life when I didn't think I could move forward with good cheer, but I am happy to say that I have.  While there will always be a hole in my heart, my life continues to be filled with wonderful blessings.

Seven years ago, I honestly cried EVERY day, multiple times.  Then it went down to once a day, once a week, once a month.  I probably never go much more than a month without getting teary thinking about my dad.  Every now and then I will have a dream about him, and be so happy that my mind can still so clearly recall his face, his voice, his mannerisms.  Holidays and occasions bring about emotional breakdowns as well...

Today my sister texted me some things my dad wrote down about me in some family history sheets he filled out shortly before his death.  It made my day:

List some qualities you admire about your family members-

Daughter Marie-Ange- She has a loving concern for the less fortunate. She is passionate and disciplined in all she does. And I could listen to her sing forever. 

Son-in-law Todd- Solid and uncomplaining. Very supportive of our side of the family. 
Grandbaby Bronwyn- a light in our lives and good therapy for me. 

This is a treasure for me to have.  My dad definitely saw the good in me, which means so much.  Like most parents, he complimented us often and made us feel good about ourselves.  He told me several times that I was the best singer he had ever heard.  Sounds like something any parent would say to their child... but I actually think that he meant it.  I got my love of singing from my dad.  He started taking me to ward choir when I was in grade school.  I loved hearing him sing.  We sang together all the time, and I learned all the oldies he like listening to.  The days before he died, I laid in bed with him and sang him every song I could think of.  It took years before I could listen to the Beatles after he died because he listened to them all the time.  But now when I listen, it fills my heart with sweet memories; and I am now teaching some of their songs to my kids.  

We can move forward with good cheer.  As long as we allow ourselves a few days here and there to cry.  :)